Im the Mama

Ive been a mother for 20 years now and Id love to share my experiences with you about the ups and downs of motherhood marriage and trying to hold it all together in today worlds

Saturday, 22 October 2011

what I married

well i finally came to terms that  i married a socialpath and if anyone wants to know what that is just google it  hes not a killer  or anything but the man has no emotions no conscience or no concept of what is right or wrong ! I knew from the beginning that something was wrong with him but since I didnt care i just let it go  and well now that I do care i dont know what to do! The man spies on me constantly he doesnt have normal feelings like normal people do compassion excitement  originality passion he just imitates mine! and i can say anything to him nasty or nice and he doesnt register it .Only time he gets angry is when he loses control then he loses it untill he can gain control again and he does it by any method he can  humiliation blackmail bullying  and this goes for anyone who is caught up in his net . So i cant leave because he has me so ensnared in his web and knows all my secrets and plus I have children with him he uses it all against me when i mention the word divorce . Im so unhappy with this marriage we dont get along at all he doesnt like anything i like and i dont like anything he does \im also soooo lonely because I cant have any friends without him being all involved in their lives  he makes me feel like im just an extension of him and his life .

Tuesday, 18 October 2011


ok so i had really bad pms on the weekend and for months i have been telling the mister to get the computor out of my bedroom . I couldnt take it the kids always in my room the mister always in my room when i want a little privacy or I want to use the computor for myself Seems like no one listens too me plus i have begged the mister for months now for my own laptop only to be ignored or told i could have one soooo i picked up the comp and threw it into the pool  well it worked now the kids have theyre own comp and i finally got my own laptop lol so I guess pms is good for something!!!

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Im not a good friend

I just woke up this morning and thought to myself Im not a good friend . The only time that I have friends is when I need them for something in my life and as soon as I dont need them anymore I completely forget them and neglet them . Im really upset about this because I dont have any friends right now because I have neglected the ones that I had. and I miss them terribly !  so what do I do ?? I know that being a mother that works(from  home of course has kept me horribly busy but still ) Have I become so busy with day to day living that I neglect things that are important to me like friends? hmmmmmmmmm well I m really consccious of this now and its freaking me out soo what do I do  well today and from now on I am going to make an effort to be a better friend !!

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Dukan diet

well first week into the dukan diet and I must say its an amazing diet and it does everything it promised I lost 7 pds in less then a week! so happy about that and I got to eat as much as I wanted of the prescribed foods and got off my carb and sugar and fat addiction i dont crave them as much anymore  Its abit hard in the first faze because your only allowed to eat protiens  and you do feel abit weak but the upside is your not all moody or achy or headachy!  I really dont have all that much to lose only about 10 pds but i was getting scared for awhile because i was just gaining and gaining Id tried to diet but then i would lose maybey 2 pds after starving myself then gain back 3 after just eating normal again that was coupled with an hr of intense workouts lol so you can see why I was freaking out ! Ive been driving my family nuts with the diet  since most of them need to lose about 10 to 20 pds themselves but everyone just rolls there eyes at me lol soooooooo  I guess im just going to have to blog about it I get to go on the next faze  which means i can add veggies to my diet and again its only certain ones(its alot) and still eat all I want the other good thing i find though is Im not as hungry as i use to be  so Im not pigging out even though your alowed too well wish me luck! my starting weight was 125pds and this morn on the scale i was 118 pds and a couple ounces  whoot whoot whoot!!!

Friday, 12 August 2011

want my owwn bedroom

Ive been married now for like 10 Yrs and the one thing that i really and have always wanted was my own bedroom  but my husband wont agree to it  It really makes me upset that i cant have it I need some privacy in this marriage and my husband doesnt give me any He totally suffocates me I cant do anything without him being around he doesnt work and i work from home and we are together 24 7 which i cant handle. Sometimes just to get away from him Ill sleep in one of the kids room or the couch  and he acts all resentful the next day. Its not because of the sex either we rarely have sex because i am not really sexually attracted to him never have been so unless im extremely drunk and horney or he attcks me while im dead to the wrld asleep  its not gonna happen!!! lol  we have so many things wrong with this marriage and I have asked for a divorce many many many many times but he wont give me one  I guess he wants us both to stay miserable!!

Saturday, 6 August 2011

ohhhhh saturdays

well i spent the whole saturday doing nothing but laundry and feeling sorry for myself. Im trying to diet to lose ten pounds but nothing is working and well i love food its the only thing I really enjoy right now lol I have to be inspired to lose weight and well there is nothing inspiring me. so im giving up food for nothing and trust me if you want to lose weight no matter what those friggin diets say or how full they claim youll be all the time its bullshit lol  why cant they make a diet out there  that contains  no calories and is really delicious and you can eat what ever and when ever you want !! the only reason id lose weight right now I think is if I was looking foward to a date with brad pitt lol  and since Im married to a man that doesnt give a shit about his own body wieght ( he looks like hes six months pregnant ) I have no insentive to lose my poundage either . God I wish hed divorce me if for  no other reason  was so that Id lose weight! being single always made me skinnier

Monday, 27 June 2011

why did i get married??

Why oh why did I get married?? All I do is fight with my husband who I swear Is a social path
Our latest battle is because I went to my sisters house for a few hours and he kept texting me non stop he won't allow me to go anywhere on my own. And when I got home he said horrible things to me. - can't take it anymore!! I have no privacy no independence. No me time!! I feel like I'm being suffocated. I've been married now for 11 yrs and I think maybe a week out of those yrs has been tolerable !!! I can't leave because he won't let me. So - feel trapped and unhappy.